


as the days go by

by ohmygodwhy



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Bromance to Romance, Ensemble Cast, F/M, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, protect him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 22:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3826927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmygodwhy/pseuds/ohmygodwhy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason counts the days as they go by, because Nico is keeping his promise, and he hopes it will last.</p>
            </blockquote>





	as the days go by

**Author's Note:**

> This is by far the longest thing I've written so far, I am never doing this to myself again.

 

 

(1)

 

 

Keeping his promise is simultaneously easier and harder than Nico expected it would be.

The easy part is the thanks and welcome and appreciation he gets the first little while. The hard part is everything else.

 

The first day runs almost smoothly- if rants given by annoyingly motherly sons of Apollo and nagging worries in the back of his mind reminding him that he _actually confessed_ after four years of secrecy count as smooth. Three days of bed rest he (forcibly) promises, and three days of bed rest start tomorrow rather than today and that really makes four days with no power- Will doesn’t seem to care and neither does Nico because frankly, he could use a couple days off.

A couple days off that he knows will have to be spent looking over his shoulder to avoid Percy, saying goodbye to friends he really doesn’t want to say goodbye to just yet, and dealing with people- living, breathing, _big_ groups of people- longer than he has in quite a while (the days spent riding or running to save the world don’t really count).

 

“How could you be so careless? One more jump could’ve killed you- almost anything could’ve killed you,”

The infirmary is a bright place, sunlight streaming in through the breaks in the curtains, people bustling about carrying bandages or trays of food or visiting friends. It has a bouncy, far too high-spirited atmosphere trying to drown out the feelings of dread that come with places for the sick or dying. Nico sits in a bed in one of the corners.

“Thanks _,_ I’d almost forgotten the last ten times you told me,”

“This isn’t a joke, Nico. You could’ve _died,”_ Will is as bright as the light outside, and his voice is just as warm- and just as irritating.

He hadn’t left him alone since he succeeded in dragging Nico inside, bandaging arms that don’t need bandaging and staring at him like he might disappear the moment he stops.

“I don’t know if you’ve realized this, but that actually happens a lot around here,”

Will ignores him. “And when’s the last time you ate? You’re practically a toothpick- just as short as one too,”

Nico’s eyebrows furrow in annoyance because _does he realize who he’s talking to?_

“When’s the last time you minded your own business?”

“The business of a patient _is_ my business,”

In the end, Nico complies, promising that yes, he’ll go to dinner (he was planning to anyways), yes, he’ll ‘take it easy’, and no, he won’t be using the shadows anytime soon (which seems pretty unfair when Jason’s flying all over the place and Will isn’t taking any breaks himself).

 

Dinner is loud that night. And very crowded and there’s far too much singing for his taste and it’s more of a party than a meal. It’s a combination of celebration and mourning and there are tears of both happiness and sadness and he feels out of place. But he’s not sitting alone, and people seem to actually enjoy his presence for the first time in years.

(People are going their separate ways tomorrow morning and none of them really want to go to sleep and speed up the process).

 

 

 

 

(2)

 

 

Hazel gives great hugs. They’re warm and comforting and her head comes to rest on his shoulder in puzzle piece perfection, almost as perfectly as the way her hand fits into Frank’s.

“I’ll miss you, big brother,”

Her smile makes him smile; they talked a lot the night before (like real siblings do, freed from prophecies and the stress of the world for the night), so there’s really nothing left for him to say except, “I’ll miss you too, sis,”

Reyna’s hugs are brief, but gratifying; they make him feel like he’s accomplished something priceless.

“I’m grateful to have met you, Nico. We couldn’t have stopped the war without your help,” her smile is also brief, and more than gratifying, “I’m glad to have made another friend. You’re welcome back at Camp Jupiter anytime,”

“I’m honoredto call you my friend, Reyna. You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met,” he’s very aware of how cheesy it sounds, “Have a safe trip back,”

Frank’s handshakes are firm and the flush on his cheeks is worth it as Nico mentions the flower boy thing again.

“Good luck, Praetor,”

“Thanks. You too, Nico,”

He waves until they’re out of sight (alongside Jason and the others, whose goodbyes had been far lengthier and way more tearful), and is almost grateful for the promised bed rest- it gives him an excuse to retreat into his cabin and miss them privately (and evade the impending doom of confrontation Percy is sure to give him one of these days).

 

 

 

 

(3)

 

 

The confrontation comes a lot sooner than he’d hoped it would.

His excuses have dwindled into nothing by the end of the third day, and Jason practically drags him to dinner with him (“I haven’t seen you eat anything in three days, and besides, it’s _pizza_ night,”). It’s not bad; he lets Jason do most of the talking, talking mostly to Piper, who smiles her dazzling smile and throws in comments now and then. The pizza isn’t bad, definitely not the worst he’s ever had. In fact, the whole ordeal is almost pleasant, until the flow of the night is interrupted with a _wave,_ and Percy drops into the seat next to him with purpose, bringing salty air and a flare of anxiety with him.

“Hey, Nico,” he greets, a bit too enthusiastic.

“Hey,” he says back, suddenly very interested in the bit of pizza crust left on his plate.

“How’s it going?”

“Fine,”

“So,” he’s being careful about what he’s saying for once, Nico can tell, “about the other day-“

“Oh, hey Percy,”

Thank the gods for Jason Grace, swooping in at just the right moment and giving Nico the opportunity to mumble a quick goodbye and slip from the conversation. Percy’s gaze is on his back, but then Annabeth sits down next to him and he can feel himself being forgotten.

 

 

 

 

(9)

 

 

Jason knows he’s being used as a barrier. He knows he’s been the subject of multiple excuses, knows he’s at the center of the wall Nico’s building up to keep Percy on the other side and away from him, and it’s almost funny- he’s finally gotten that secret off of his chest and out in the open and then goes right back to hiding, unwilling to discuss it with the one he confessed to. And by funny, he means very frustrating.

And Jason gets it, he really does, but one too many ‘casual’ “Have you seen Nico?” s and frantic “Tell him I’m training or something” s followed by quick escapes have him at the end of his rope.

“You can’t avoid him forever,” he finds Nico on the roof of his cabin, feet swinging childishly over the edge.

“I can try,” is his equally childish response.

“Come on, it’s just gonna get worse if you keep putting it off,”

“What’s the point? He _knows_ now; what else is there to say?”

“Nothing. So just talk. Get it over with. He just wants to be your friend; it won’t hurt to try,”

A long, heavy pause, in which Jason realizes he sound like a chiding mother.

“Alright, fine.”

 

 

 

 

(15)

 

 

Piper is beautiful.

Jason has memorized her expressions, knows what every tilt of her head or lift of her eyebrows signifies, and he’ll never get used to the way her hair falls or blows in the wind like a wave of light brown that never quite looks the same. Piper is beautiful, and he feels his chest clench when he sees the vague disappointment on her face through the window of the restaurant he was supposed to be at an hour ago.

Missing dates isn’t something he does often, and never on purpose. So he’s surprised, and rather angry with himself when he realizes that he forgot. Straight up _forgot_ that his girlfriend was waiting twenty minutes away in the fanciest place they’ve been able to afford so far as 8 o’clock came and passed. Their first date, their first opportunity to be truly alone together after the war, and he _forgot._

“ _Gods,_ Pipes, I’m so sorry,” he’s sitting down in a button up shirt that’s not quite buttoned up and hair hurriedly combed, looking ashamed and embarrassed and all sorts of guilty.

And Piper is beautiful, smiling through her disappointment and accepting his repeated apologies with understanding and a quirk of her eyebrows that reads subtle amusement, and Jason knows she means it.

“Just- gods, I’m sorry I keep letting you down,”

The slightest tilt of her head. “How have you let me down?”

“ _This,_ and I haven’t been around as much, and-“

“And you’ve been busy. We all have,” she smiles that smile he can never look away from, “It’s alright. I was almost late myself,”

“Not _this_ late,”

“Not this late,” she agrees.

The rest of the night passes in laughs and stolen kisses and _very_ good food and Piper is beautiful.

 

It’s on his way back to his cabin- somewhere around midnight and Piper is sound asleep in her own (she has to rise early tomorrow for a trip to Camp Jupiter)- that he very literally runs into Nico (and he’s honestly not very surprised- Nico has a ridiculous sleeping schedule).

“How was your date?” he asks shortly, pushing aside any greetings or apologies as though he’s short on time- and with the anxious way he’s shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Jason supposes maybe he is.

“It was nice; how did you know we were-?”

“You told me yesterday; you said you’d gotten a reservation at a fancy Italian place, I said I’d heard of it,”

“Ah, right, right,” he can hear rather than see the sound of metal on skin and knows Nico is twisting the ring on his pointer finger- a bad habit he’d picked up on and he can tell there’s something wrong.

Before he can say anything though, there’s a quick, “So I talked with him,”

 _‘Him’_ is Percy and Percy is never really good news around Nico.

“ _Finally;_ how’d it go?”

“It just… went. I was right, there was nothing to say,” the twisting is getting less controlled, more of something to keep his hands moving, “He said he was sorry, acted pretty confused, like this came out of nowhere. He… he said I could’ve just _told_ him,”

Nico lets out something between a laugh and a sigh, ring abandoned on his finger and voice growing bitter.

“Four years- and I could’ve ‘just told him’? Because _that_ would’ve _worked_ , that would’ve cleared everything right up. I mean I knew he was oblivious, but do you know how long it took _him_ to confess to Annabeth?” his voice cracks and gives way to shaky breathing “And he acts like it’s- like it’s _nothing_ , like it would’ve been _easy_ , like I should’ve ‘ _just told him’.”_

The night air thickens with the shadows seeping from the ground near Nico’s feet and Jason sees the familiar hunch of his shoulders- he’s curling in on himself and probably regretting his decision and he won’t meet Jason’s eyes.

Percy is never really good news around Nico, and apparently, is also horrible at consolation.

“Nico,” Jason’s hands hover above Nico’s shoulders until he’s sure he won’t flinch away, and he touches them lightly (and doesn’t like how bony they still are), “Percy’s an idiot,”

Nico snorts, but doesn’t say anything.

“He’s an idiot, and you didn’t do anything wrong- you did what you thought was best, right? If anything, he needs to work on his apologies,”

He still doesn’t get a response, but Nico’s breathing is slowing to a normal rate and the nighttime shadows don’t seem so thick.

“At least you got it over with, right?”

Nico shrugs.

A pause, and Jason lights up, “Oh, hey, the Stolls snuck a DVD player in for me a few days ago, they said it was a peace offering. You wanna watch something with me?”

‘ _To get your mind off of Percy,_ ’ is the underlying purpose and Nico blows out another huff of breath before hesitantly, hesitantly nodding.

“That would be… nice, yeah,”

 

 

 

 

(30)

 

 

Jason is asked to teach a class or two- his age and experience give him ‘just the right qualities’ Chiron says. Sword fighting and strategy, the first of which he’s pretty good at, the second of which he usually relies on others for help with.

Percy’s asked to teach one too, with Annabeth, of course, as a partner. He accepts happily, saying anyone taught by a ‘ _legend’_ is sure to turn out good themselves. Annabeth punches him in the arm and declares that if anyone’s a legend around here, it’s definitely her.

Nico is asked to teach a class on power control (a class he says no one will attend if it’s taught by a child of Hades). He shrugs it off, giving half-hearted excuses and promising he’ll get around to it- eventually.

 

 

 

 

(57)

 

 

Living a demigod lifestyle can leave you with some pretty nasty injuries.

Many fade- bumps, bruises, light cuts or blisters or scratches. But others don’t; others try to heal, but give up and settle for leaving themselves etched into the skin as scars. Jason has a few himself (the famous cut on his upper lip doesn’t count). He sees them everywhere when he walks through either of the camps- burn marks on shoulders, arms and legs and chests clawed or scratched, the vague discoloring of the skin around the stubs of the occasional missing limb- and they’re almost admired, worn like medals, trophies of battles won or people lost (and besides, people often say, they look cool).

There’s an abundance after the war, clear skin replaced with ugly abrasions (because that’s what they are at this point- ugly reminders of everything that’s gone, and they all have trouble finding any meaning in them other than loss). Scars littering the bodies and minds of children (sixteen is a small number in comparison to the number of bodies piled on the ground, fifteen is a small number for leading battles into war without even a driver’s license to show, fourteen is a small number for having walked through hell alone) are not things to be proud of.

And so Jason shouldn’t be surprised, he really shouldn’t, when he catches a glimpse of a back dotted with jagged blemishes like sprinkles on a cake. And he shouldn’t be surprised when the owner of that back yanks down the shirt he was putting on so quickly it could tear. And he shouldn’t be surprised when Nico throws a shoe at him in response to his staring. And really, he shouldn’t be staring.

“It’s not that weird,” Nico says later (they’re sitting sprawled out on his bed- Nico had let him back in only after Jason had apologized profusely for not knocking), “I mean, everyone’s been attacked at least once, right? It’s sort of inevitable,”

Jason nods. The air of the Hades cabin is much cooler than the air outside, especially in the middle of summer, and it’s a nice break from the sun and heavy humidity.

“How many do you have?”

“How many do _you_ have?” Nico counters.

“Well, there’s this one,” he gestures vaguely to his face and sees the smallest semblance of a smile on Nico’s own (the first time he’d heard the legendary stapler story, he hadn’t stopped laughing until he was gasping for air and that was when he first discovered Nico had a very nice laugh), “And one on my back I think- probably from Lupa’s training. And then I was stabbed in the shoulder a few days ago,”

It’s Nico’s turn to nod; the ghost of a smile is gone now, replaced with something like unease.

“Most of mine are from… y’know…” he trails off, eyes flitting to the corners of the cabin as if checking for intruders, and Jason doesn’t really feel like finishing the sentence either ( _Tartarus_ \- the name is like a curse and none of them like hearing it).

Nico shakes his head, blinking whatever thoughts out of it, and pats the area just above his right knee through his jeans, “This one’s from a chimera attack, somewhere down in California. My father wanted me to clear it out- it was messing with one of the Underworld entrances, and well,” he forces a small chuckle, “I didn’t really know what I was doing- I hadn’t gotten very good at the whole fighting thing yet,”

He drags his shirt collar down a few inches, revealing what looks like something between a burn and a rip- a zigzag of light scar tissue running along the skin just below his collarbone; Jason has the urge to run his finger across it.

“A while before Percy disappeared- I think I was thirteen? Had a run-in with the vengeful spirit of a gladiator- he almost succeeded in returning from the dead, actually,”

He pulls the left sleeve of his shirt up enough to show a faint slash on the side of his upper arm- thin, probably a few years old.

"Second Titan War,” he says, his tone on the verge of pride, “Right in the middle of Manhattan; I was what, twelve? Not really sure what happened, it was pretty chaotic and everything,”

Nico’s voice echoes around the cabin- words spoken far too casually for their own good- and Jason blinks twice, because oh yeah, a twelve year old had helped save the world in a war he hadn’t know was going on. A thirteen year old had practically become a part-time worker in the service of the god of the underworld. A fourteen year old had fallen and fallen into the pits of something unspeakable, and hey, Jason had tried to eat a stapler.

Nico must be a secret mid-reader, because he glances at the ceiling, shrugging his shoulders like he’s trying to shake something off.

“It’s not a big deal,” he says, almost like he’s trying to convince himself and whatever might be listening in the walls.

He tilts his head to the left, turning to glance at Jason. His eyes have been looking less and less like shattered glass and more like shining, pristine glass. They’re still weighed down with tired bags and an air of age to them. They’re very different from Jason’s light blue ones, or Percy’s sea-green ones, or Piper’s kaleidoscopes eyes that seem to shimmer in the sunlight with an indescribable color.

“It’s not a big deal,” Nico repeats, voice much quieter.

Jason nods. “Right; it’s not a big deal. Y’know, I heard one kid from the Ares cabin has a burn on his ass. Something to do with dragons, I think,”

He says it so seriously that Nico evidently can’t take him seriously. He laughs, a little strained, but it fills the cabin with something better than silence, and Jason laughs with him.

 

 

 

 

(80)

 

 

Nico tells the others a few months after their victory.

It’s during a pleasant lunch, a picnic down in the strawberry fields. He coughs to get everyone’s attention- nervously, anxiously, scared (Jason can see it in the way he fidgets and glances anywhere but at them).

Jason’s pretty sure Percy and Annabeth know what he’s going to say- Percy had, thankfully, kept Nico’s little confession to himself (whether it was mainly Annabeth’s doing or not, he wasn’t sure).

His sentences aren’t fully connected, even though they seem rehearsed. He can’t seem to meet Hazel’s gaze for fear of seeing something he doesn’t want to (hatred, disgust, and Jason can practically feel the ever-growing shame and fear, _fear,_ he’s so scared). He locks eyes with Jason for a moment, who gives his best encouraging smile and a tiny nod of his head (and hopes it helps, if only a little).

When he’s finished, and the silence hangs over everything like a cloud, he mumbles something about going to the bathroom and moves to leave.

He’s stopped with a hand on his wrist, and glances back (scared), to see Hazel, looking at him with something like realization, a bit of sadness, a bit of worry, and a small, understanding smile on her face. She pulls him- softly- into a hug he was so _scared_ he would never get to feel again.

“It must’ve been so hard,” she whispers, “ _Gods_ , Nico. Of course I still love you,”

His eyes flit up to see the others looking at him without a hint of resentment in their expressions, and he feels like he might cry in relief.

 

 

 

 

(91)

 

 

It’s around the 91st day, a little into the third month of Nico’s promise, that Jason realizes that he’s counting.

Then again, it’s also the number of days since the war against Mother Earth officially ended.

Whatever the reason, he finds it reassuring. It gives him a sense of purpose, knowing they all survived and there’s no rush of life or death anymore (though with their lives being what they are, there’s always that underlying fact that it could all end tomorrow; a monster decides to attack, a god gets bored, and the sense of normalcy could disappear).

So Jason counts the days as they go by, because Nico is keeping his promise, and he hopes it’ll last.

 

 

 

 

(115)

 

 

Piper uses what she learned from Hazel and what she learned from her quests to train, getting stronger and stronger, testing the limits of her power and expanding on them.

She can fight with her knife with almost as much ease as Jason can with his sword. And she proves it multiple times (Jason had been reluctant to spar with her at first; she responded to that by effectively kicking his ass and leaving him in a heap on the ground- he went at her full force after that).

She alternates between camps quite a bit, spending time at both of them and working her way into both sides of the demigod coin. People adore her, and she adores them. She’s practically a living legend- one of the seven, a _charmspeaker,_ and quite a sight to behold.

Jason adores her, and she adores him. They don’t see each other as often, and surprisingly, neither of them are too bothered by that fact. Their lives are both very busy, but whenever there’s a lull in the commotion or they need a day off, they’re practically joined at the hip, stuck together like magnets.

Nico points this out multiple times, and seems to be growing more and more at ease in the daughter of Aphrodite’s presence.

“Beauty Queen,” he greets, eyeing her in mock dislike.

 _“Angel,”_ she responds- a play on his last name that he nearly despises (it takes away his edge of mystery, he complains, makes him less intimidating and it’s just plain _embarrassing_ and a few weeks ago he probably would’ve gotten angry about it).

There’s a moment of silence, and Piper smiles. Nico gives a small smile back, and all three of them are content to let the moment pass uninterrupted.

 

 

 

 

(139)

 

 

Jason finds out by complete chance, and wonders if Nico thinks about it every time he sees him.

 

It isn’t that big of a quest- really more of a ‘glorified garbage man’ type thing. The manticor had turned into a nuisance, getting more confident with each attack, and almost ended up killing a citizen. Jason and Percy had been sent out to kill it- it was too ‘dangerous’ a task for anyone else (though Jason thinks Chiron just wanted to give them an excuse to leave camp for a while, and he was honestly grateful for it- up until the part where Percy takes a pretty nasty hit).

The sun is setting by the time they near camp, and Percy’s becoming dead weight on Jason’s shoulders as he flies them back.

“Hold on, Percy, we’re nearly there,”

Jason is pretty beat up himself- a graze on his cheek and an aching leg, but nothing very pressing.

“I feel like Lois Laane…” Percy slurs, mumbles turning into a poor musical attempt.

“That’s not even Superman’s theme, that’s _Star Wars._ You’re getting more and more delirious by the second,”

And warmer and warmer, to the point where Jason can feel the heat emanating from Percy’s fever-ridden skin.

Percy coughs. “I hate flyin’, ‘s not natural,”

“Say’s the guy who breathes underwater,”

“Just don’t drop me, ‘kay? Or your dad’ll strike me down. Kaboom! No more Percy! He kinda hates me, your dad,”

“I know he’s temperamental, but he wouldn’t go that far,”

_Right?_

“How d’you know? He tried to get Nico once,”

Jason almost looses his grip on Percy. “What!?”

“He missed, though. ‘M glad he missed, Nico’s m’ friend,”

“What the hell are you talking about?!”

It’s then that the extent of the poison must have taken effect, and suddenly Percy’s convinced that the lights from camp are the prettiest things he’s ever seen.

“Okay,” Jason sighs, “we’re getting you to the infirmary first. But don’t think I’m letting the subject drop.”

 

 

 

 

(140)

 

 

True to his word, Jason does not let it drop.

True to his nature, Percy is very clearly avoiding him.

He finds him in the most predictable hiding place two days later though- wading down in the lake and doing whatever it is Percy does down there.

“Hey, Percy,”

“Jason!” it’s more of a scared realization than a greeting.

“Feeling better this morning?”

“Yeah, much better- a night or two in the infirmary and a good swim and I’m good as new,”

“I’m glad to hear that. I was wondering if we could have a little chat,”

“I’d _love_ to talk, but unfortunately I have to go… braid Blackjack’s mane- or something,”

Jason’s smile doesn’t drop as he slings his arm heavily over Percy’s shoulder, “Surely that can’t be more important than explaining what you meant about my father?”

“ _Dammit_ ,” Percy brings his palm against his forehead, “I was so hoping I had dreamt that,”

“Spill,” Jason deadpans.

Percy’s expression drops into something much less Percy-like- something like the sadness that comes from unpleasant memories, mixed with a bit of regret.

“Let’s take a walk, okay?”

 

Percy explains in short, choppy sentences, dancing around the topic until he can’t anymore. It isn’t a cheery story. And Jason shifts from surprise, to anger (at his father and at the situation), to worry. Because his father had blasted Nico’s mother off the face of the Earth, and he doesn’t know how Nico can stand to be around him.

 

 

 

 

(143)

 

 

Thalia isn’t around very often. She’s an adventurer at heart, off with a group of terrifying huntresses. She’s a good sister though- strong and light-hearted and a great person to go to for advice. But she isn’t around very often anymore.

“I wish you were here, Thal’,” he mumbles to no one in particular. He can see for quite a ways from up on the hill; it’s not really helping though, and it’s sort of cold out, but Jason doesn’t really know where else to go and he can’t summon the will to get up, “I don’t know what to do,”

“Well, _not_ avoiding me would be a good start,”

He really wishes Nico would wear a bell or something sometimes.

“Nico!” he scrambles to his feet.

“Percy told me.” He cuts straight to the point, “The whole thing,”

Jason is glad Nico and Percy are talking on a regular basis now, he really is, but Percy’s inability to keep his mouth shut is one of the downers to the whole thing.

“Nico, I’m _so_ sorry. I swear I had no idea this was what happened,” he begins, words pouring from his mouth in waves of apologies and anything else he can think to say because he’s worked his way through Nico’s walls and they might go right back up, “It must have been painful to look at me, is this why you didn’t want to be around me at first, because I remind you of painful memories, gods, I’m sorry, I completely understand if you’re mad at me, you have every right to be mad at me,”

But Nico isn’t saying anything and that’s always dangerous and he’s doing everything he can to fill the silence with countless apologies and a bit of self defense-

Until he feels Nico’s cold hand on his shoulder and suddenly he’s on the ground, flat on his back and staring at the sky with the wind knocked out of him for a moment.

“Wh-!”

“Ready to listen to me now?” Nico bends down next to him as Jason sits up, and he sighs, deeply and preparedly.

“Jason, do you have any idea what previous children of Hades have done in the past? The _devastation_ some of them have brought?” his voice is soft, hesitant, and he glances down at his open palms (like he’s contemplating the power they hold and what he could do with it). “My father himself did terrible things,”

“That’s still no excuse for my father to-“

“No, it’s not.” Nico’s gaze is on him again, “But it means that I, better than most, understand the need not to judge someone based on what their godly parent did,”

Jason is the one to look away for once, “But… your mother…”

“Do you really want me to blame you for something your father did decades before you were born?”

Jason feels a light flush creep up onto his cheeks, “Well when you put it that way, it sounds a bit silly,”

Nico pushes himself to his feet, nodding in agreement, “Completely ridiculous even,”

Jason sputters indignantly, something he hasn’t done since he was a child.

Nico holds out a hand to him, with a faint smile on his face and a lot less hesitation than he’s ever shown, “So, will you stop avoiding me now?”

Jason can’t help but smile back, “Yeah,”

(Nico’s hand is almost icy when he takes it, but it’s a lot better than the icy hatred he was expecting to get).

“Dude, you’re so _old!”_ he points out on their way back, “’Decades before my birth,”

“Shut up,”

Nico hits his shoulder lightly, and there’s still a smile pulling at his lips.

 

 

 

 

(176)

 

 

He didn’t mean to disappear again. Really, he didn’t.

He just lost track of time, that’s all.

Lost track of time without bothering to actually check the time or the date or the number of sunrises he walked through. He just lost track of time- it’s a pretty easy thing to do when the last instance time mattered was months ago with the world at stake.

And that’s what he tells Jason, who shows up out of _nowhere,_ looking kind of angry and kind of relieved and very emotional.

“Lost track of time?” he strains, and Nico can tell he’s trying to keep what little cool he has left, “It’s been a week, Nico. A _week,”_ Hazel was worried _sick,_ and I was-“

He pauses.

“I was worried too,”

Nico knows he shouldn’t really be surprised at this point. Jason cares for his friends with a fierce loyalty, but he still has a hard time picturing himself as somebody’s friend, as somebody someone would actually care about.

(His surprise must have shown on his face because Jason looks almost hurt for a moment there).

“I-“ he drops his gaze, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be gone so long, I just-“

He hates feeling weak, he hates hates hates it, but this is Jason so he sighs and shoves his hands into his pockets and doesn’t make eye contact.

“I couldn’t keep still any longer. I couldn’t just sit around because I could feel it. I could _feel_ it under my feet and I don’t wanna feel it,”

There’s a heavy silence and Jason sighs, lightly and without an air of exasperation.

“Alright,” he says simply. “Alright; it’s alright,”

A hand lingers above his shoulder, waiting for a silent permission that Nico is always extremely grateful because no one really asks for permission anymore. He nods minutely, and the cool air on his neck is replaced with the warmth of Jason’s arm.

“Alright,”

 

 

 

 

(200)

 

 

“He really likes you, you know,”

“Yeah; I like him too,”

“No, I mean _really_ likes you; you should hear him talk about you- sometimes I don’t know if he’s your friend or your mother,”

Nico is torn between frowning and smiling- he chooses the latter when he glances over to see a small one dancing on Reyna’s lips.

His visits to Camp Jupiter have become more frequent lately- mainly because Hazel insists he come more often, and really, how can he say no to her? – and he’s planning to stay overnight for a day or two.

Jason had come up in conversation somehow (it started with hello’s and a quick hug and catching up with the latest events of their hectic lives).

“I hope it’s the first one,” he replies, “Will is practically my mother already,”

The two of them are resting with their backs against one of the many temple walls. The shade blocks the sun and he thinks they must be quite a sight- the praetor and the son of Hades conversing like old friends (and he supposes that’s what they are, minus the old part; he’s getting used to the idea- of being a part of something called a _group_ of friends; honestly, he’s lucky to have even one).

“That’s the blond healer guy, right?”

“Yep. Blond and way too overbearing,”

Reyna laughs briefly, “Sounds like someone else I know,”

Nico shrugs, “Nah, they’re not very similar at all. Will is… happier? Like, perpetually happy, the annoying kind of happy. He acts like everyone is delicate, like he has a duty to help everyone, to heal everyone. He acts like he’s my _mom._ Shadow travel is too ‘dangerous’, and then junk food is ‘too unhealthy’?” He makes a disbelieving face at his own words. He’s survived on it this long, and he is never giving up his McDonald’s.

“But then there’s Jason. He’s pretty happy too. And yeah, he’s pretty overbearing sometimes. And annoying. And he wants to help people too- but he also knows he can’t sometimes, y’know?”

Reyna nods vaguely, prompting him to continue.

“His friends mean a lot to him- he’ll do almost anything for any of them,”

“That applies to you too, then,”

Nico nods uncertainly, “And you. And he’s really nice about it. He doesn’t try too hard and he doesn’t try too little. He actually asks permission before touching me. He’s pretty easy to talk to- he listens pretty well too. It’s like he has this power to make you trust him- though I didn’t at first, not really. I didn’t really trust any of them. But then Croatia happened and suddenly he wanted to get all _friendly_ with me- he’s pretty open-minded,”

There’s a pause, “Croatia, huh?”

“Oh, yeah…” he lets out a short nervous laugh, “He was the first one to y’know… find out. Not on purpose or anything- Cupid’s kind of a jerk,”

The conversation drifts into a comfortable silence (another new experience for him- silence in other people’s company is usually awkward and tense).

“You really like him, huh,”

“Yeah,” he repeats, glancing over at her questioningly.

And she glances over at him too, with a warm eyes and an almost knowing smile.

“I’m glad; you deserve to be happy,”

He flushes lightly, grinning back.

“Thanks; you do too,”

 

 

 

 

(222)

 

 

Will gets up earlier than most think possible- Nico is convinced he runs on solar power, rising with the sun and having a very low tolerance for staying up late.

Jason’s early hours vary, depending on how late he was up and what he has planned for the day; he’s not too difficult to wake up if one needed to.

Nico, however, is _not_ a morning person. He draws the curtains tight when he sleeps, and refuses to come out until at least noon, sometimes a bit sooner. Jason supposes he has to get back all his lost sleep somehow.

 

It’s dark in the cabin- darker than usual- and the light pouring in through the open door cuts through the shadows.

“Nico?” Jason’s voice bounces off the walls, “Don’t you need to get to class? You can’t skip again, y’know,”

There’s no response, so he tries again, more cautiously this time (waking up the son of Hades is a terrifying task), “Nico?”

There’s another moment or two before, “Go away,”

It’s small and wavering and nothing like Jason has heard a long time.

He steps further into the room, glancing around to get his eyes accustomed to the dark, and makes out the figure of the bed on the far right.

“Nico? Are you alright?”

Again, there’s no response- that’s not good, that’s never good. The blankets of the bed are pulled up, covering the small bundle of what he assumes to be Nico- Nico and what sounds like badly controlled breathing, coming in harsh exhales and the confines of the blankets are probably making it worse.

“Nico?” he approaches carefully- when he tries lifting the edge, it’s pulled back down roughly. He tries again- slowly, slowly, “I’m not going to hurt you,”

More silence (it’s worse in here, in this cabin, because the silence seems to be a living, breathing thing taking up space), before Nico’s hold on the blanket is- slowly, slowly- released. Jason pulls it back gently to see his friend drawn up into a tight ball, hands (shaking, shaking hands) brought up to grip at his hair.

“ _Please_ go away,” is what he says- whispers- through ragged breaths and eyes barely seen through the crack between his arms staring somewhere over Jason’s shoulder, and he feels something in his chest drop.

And so Jason does exactly the opposite, dropping- slowly, slowly- to his knees next to the bed.

Nico’s skin is as cold as usual when he brings his hand to his wrist- he flinches horribly at the touch but Jason doesn’t let go, and wonders vaguely if he’ll hate him for this later.

“Nico,” he says- softly, softly, “Can you look at me?”

He can hear the ticking of a clock somewhere as the silence hangs. Then- slowly, slowly- Nico lowers his arms, his eyes (cracked, scared, unfocused eyes) darting around the edges of Jason’s face until they lock onto his.

And Jason looks (Nico’s eyes will never cease to amaze him), he looks at the worry and uncertainty; they’re far too glazed over and far too sharp and almost _pleading._ And so Jason answers that plea in the best way he knows how- gently, gently, he pulls Nico up (it’s far too easy for his liking, Nico is far too light and when had that happened?). And slowly, slowly, he lets Nico fall against him, forehead coming to rest on his collarbone and he can feel the tremors racing through the other’s body.

“Nightmares?” he asks quietly.

Nico does something between a shrug and a shake of his head, “They happen during the _day,”_

He sounds confused and way too much like a terrified child. His fingers dig into the front of Jason’s shirt, clutching it like it’s the only thing holding him in place (and Jason supposes maybe it is). Jason brings his own hands up to Nico’s back, rubbing small circles into the back of his neck the way Thalia would whenever he was the one to wake with a nightmare.

He wonders how long Nico’s been dealing with these by himself; he wonders why he’s never told him (but he knows why- Nico hates asking for help, hates being a burden, hates being vulnerable).

“It’s ok,” Jason mumbles, “You’re ok,”

And they stay like that (Jason isn’t sure how long), until the shaking subsides and his breath grows less and less erratic, until Jason’s run out of whispers and Nico’s run out of whimpers. They stay like that until Nico’s skin isn’t so cold and his mind isn’t so far away.

“Thank you,” he whispers, very very quietly and Jason almost misses it.

He doesn’t say anything back though, both of them content to let it echo through the cabin and fade away as he pulls Nico- slowly, slowly- a little bit closer.

 

 

 

 

(248)

 

 

Nico has been told by many people that he should go to school.

He counters that of course, saying that he hasn’t gone in almost five years, and he’s doing perfectly fine without it.

They counter that, saying that if he wants to go to college, he has to graduate- and if he wants to get a job, he has to go to college.

He argues further, saying he doesn’t care for college or a job- why would he need a job if he can just teach classes at camp (that he hasn’t taught yet and probably won’t teach anytime soon)?

They say he’s just old enough to be starting high school; he says if what everything he’s seen and read about high school is true, he really doesn’t want to go.

 

 

 

 

(280)

 

 

“How does it look?”

“It’s great!” Piper’s voice is a bit static-y over the cell phone he’s not really supposed to have.

“Does it have a balcony?”

“Yep! With a great view, too!” Jason can practically feel her excitement on the other side of the line.

A while back Piper had decided she wanted to buy a place of her own- without the help of her father’s money. Nothing too fancy or pricey, just a little apartment to call her own, and after months of juggling jobs and saving up, she’d finally found her dream apartment: a little condo overlooking the Manhattan area (a rare deal, really).

“How about the kitchen?”

“Pretty small- but it’s really cute, the cabinets are a super nice color- and it comes with a coffee maker!”

Which he knows she’ll use the hell out of- Piper and Nico are dissimilar in a lot of ways, but their mutual love for coffee is one of the things that holds them together.

He hopes his smile can be heard rather than seen, “I’m glad you like it,”

“Yeah! You need to get over here and help me unpack on Friday,”

He laughs, “I will, I will- I’ll bring help too,”

He won’t be moving in with her.

He’s not too disappointed, and neither is she- he doesn’t have the money to help with rent (and she probably wouldn’t let him anyways), and he has his share of responsibilities in both of the camps he needs to fulfill; living too far away could screw up his schedule.

He’ll still be welcome anytime though. She’s still making a copy of the key for him, and she still kisses him when they see each other. They still talk and laugh and enjoy each other’s company.

But he won’t be living with her, and he wonders if they should be more broken up about it than they are.

 

 

 

 

(301)

 

 

Nico looks up one day and knows he’s screwed.

He’s sitting near the edge of the arena, skimming a book about pirates Annabeth had recommended (he’s close to giving soon- it’s too warm outside for his brain to decipher the jumbled words on the page). Jason is in the midst of a demonstration, swinging his sword and grinning that grin of his, his movements all electricity and surprise.

“What ‘cha reading?”

Nico looks up that day and knows he’s screwed. Jason’s leaning over him, blue eyes curious and kind and hair a sweaty mess that sticks up in that ‘messy but classy’ look that he’s not sure how he pulls off. And there’s nothing new about that, there really isn’t. But Jason sits next to him (closer than he’s let anyone sit next to him a while), and leans over to glance at the page.

“Pirates, huh?”

His smile is bright, with the slightest edge of amusement and not even a hint of mockery.

“Yeah, _pirates,”_ he grumbles back, turning his eyes back to the mess of sentences.

“What a nerd,” Jason says lightly, ruffling his hair.

There’s a light twinge in the corner of his heart (mixed with a sudden onslaught of fear), and Nico knows he’s screwed.

 

 

 

 

(303)

 

 

“Hey, have you seen Nico?”

It’s almost ironic that Jason is the one asking Percy for about the tenth time that day.

The son of Poseidon shakes his head, shaking water out of his hair like a sprinkler in the process. “Not since the last time you asked,”

“Right, sorry, just- is he avoiding me?”

Percy shrugs, “He avoids a lot of people I think; have you done something to annoy him or anything?”

“Not that I know of,”

Percy nods, “Maybe he just needs some alone time. But hey,” he looks over at Jason, all joking gone from his eyes, “thanks for caring so much. About Nico, I mean,”

Jason blinks and Percy sighs, lifting his arms above his head in a stretch.

“I screwed up a lot with him. He deserves a good friend, y’know?” He shoots Jason a grin, “So thanks; don’t screw up too, okay?”

 

 

 

 

(306)

 

He tries not to screw up, he really does.

He catches Nico a few days later, passing the Zeus cabin in a sort of jog- the shadows in the grass leaning towards him like they’re trying to reach him, and Jason hasn’t seen Nico this worried about something since he talked with Percy those first few weeks. He waves to get his attention, and manages to get him inside his cabin.

“Have I done something?” he asks almost as soon as the door is closed.

Nico looks surprised for a moment before he hurriedly shakes his head, “No, no, you haven’t done anything,”

“Then why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m… not avoiding you,” Jason gives him a look of disbelief and he sighs, “I’m not really _trying_ to- I mean I don’t _want_ to, I just-“

He cuts himself off with a sharp inhale, “It’s nothing you did,” he says again.

“What is it, then?” he lets the worry show in his voice, because he’s _worried_ and he wants Nico to know.

Nico opens his mouth, shuts it, opens it, glances this way and that, and then shrugs.

“You’re… you’re just not going to wanna be my friend for much longer,” he says it so quietly and so surely, with his eyes glued to the floor and Jason is thoroughly confused.

“Not gonna-? What’d you mean?” Percy’s words run through his mind and he _can’t_ mess this up, “Of course I’m still gonna be your friend; nothing’s-“

“You’re _not,”_ Nico cuts him off, “You’re not going to- you’re going to think I’m-“ he shakes his head, “I can’t do this. I have to go,”

“Nico,” Jason stops him with a hand on his shoulder- which Nico shakes off like it’s a burning coal and Jason feels vaguely like he’s been punched in the stomach.

“I really have to go,”

“Nico, wait,”

To his surprise- and Nico’s apparently- he stops.

“Whatever it is,” he begins, relived when Nico turns to face him again, “It’s not going to change anything,”

“But what if it does?” his voice is startlingly small.

“It won’t,”

“But what if it _will?_ What if I- gods, what if I- what if you leave? You’re going to leave, aren’t you?”

“What? Why would I-?”

“ _Everyone_ leaves, Jason. Everyone always leaves, and you’re going to leave too, because I-” he chokes on his own words, like he’s deciding whether or not to spit them out or swallow them back up.

“You what?” Jason asks softly- he feels a vague sense of de-ja-vu, like he’s seen this scene play out before with different actors or a different setting, and- oh. _Oh._

“Because I… I can’t, not again, I-“

“Nico,”

The son of Hades stops, words still halfway out of his throat, and looks up for the first time since he began. His eyes (very, very dark eyes) are _scared._ They’re scared and Jason hates seeing him scared (a part of him knows that he’s one of the only people Nico’s comfortable showing weakness to, and even then, it’s fairly rare).

“It’s alright,”

Nico throws out a laugh that sounds more like a sob.

“No it’s not,”

“It’s alright,” he repeats, taking a step closer and putting his hands on Nico’s shoulders- it’s such a familiar gesture that he knows the feel of them as well as he does the feel of Piper’s hand or the handle of his sword.

“It’s _not,”_ Nico swallows, refusing to make eye contact until Jason is almost too close for comfort.

And Jason just stares. Stares like he’s waiting for something, like he _knows_ something- and that’s never a good thing, never never a good thing when people look at him like they know something he doesn’t (the something is always something bad and Nico knows he’s lost, knows there’s no way he can salvage this and that it’s ruined and over and there’s a split second decision between his mental ‘ _screw it’_ and the feeling of Jason’s unexpectedly soft lips against his when he pulls them together and it’s then that the door to the Zeus cabin swings open).

“Hey, Jason, I need some help down in the…” Piper glances up and Nico glances at her and terror courses through his body- he pushes Jason away and stumbles back before any of them can move.

“I’m sorry,” is all Nico can mange to say, feeling both like a deer in the headlights and a deer being hunted, “Oh gods, Piper, I’m sorry, it isn’t what you- I just- I’m _sorry,”_

But Piper isn’t saying anything and neither is Jason and he wants oh so desperately to sink into the ground.

“Hey, Nico,” he looks up hesitantly to see Piper _smiling-_ a faint smile flirting with the edges of her lips, “You wanna help too? I need a few extra hands down in the strawberry fields,”

He blinks one, two, three times, glances back at Jason (who’s expression is torn between slight confusion and surprise and maybe a little contentment) and back to Piper, and he suddenly feels like the subject of a very cruel joke.

“I just… I just _kissed_ your boyfriend,”

She nods.

“Your _boyfriend,”_

She nods again.

“Why… why aren’t you _mad?_ Why aren’t you yelling and angry and- and,” and he can’t bring himself to continue because he wants the joke to end so he can go disappear in shame in his cabin for a while and maybe leave tomorrow morning.

“It’s alright, Nico,”

“It’s not _alright!_ Why does everyone keep _saying_ that?” he hears his voice break and wants to break something himself.

There’s a hand on his shoulder again, and he doesn’t have to look up to know it’s Jason’s. He nearly jumps back in surprise when another, smaller, hand joins it, sliding down to his own and tugging it up, along with Nico’s gaze.

Piper is still smiling, running her finger along his wrist, “I’m not mad, Nico, I promise. Jason and I… we’ve been drifting apart for a while now,”

Nico swallows again, not trusting himself to speak, and she continues.

“I think… I think I’ve known for a while now; I love him, and he loves me, but… not in the way we used to,” she looks at Jason, “And that’s alright. Besides,” she glances back at Nico with a kindness in her eyes that he doesn’t deserve, doesn’t deserve, “you should see the way he looks at you.”

 

 

 

 

(310)

 

 

No one really seems surprised at the news- except for maybe Percy, but Percy always seems surprised.

No one really seems bothered by it, either- much to Nico’s relief.

Hazel smiles at him _knowingly,_ and he has to wonder if he was really the last one out of all of them to find out.

 

 

 

 

(321)

 

 

Nico does not like being touched, not in the slightest. Not by strangers and not by Percy and sometimes not even by Hazel.

Nico does not like being touched, so Jason takes extra precautions not to, takes extra care to avoid light punches or pats on the back or brushes of the shoulder, because Nico does not like being touched, and Jason doesn’t want to ruin everything they’ve built up with an accidental shock (Nico had described once what it felt like: a burn on his body that left him itchy and uncomfortable and he hated the feeling of someone else’ skin on his own). Nico does not like being touched, so Jason always tries to ask permission (and is surprised himself at the surprise on Nico’s face when he does).

Nico does not like being touched, so the feeling of having him in his arms or leaning on him or curling up against him when he falls asleep in Jason’s cabin one night makes something in Jason’s heart lift. Because Nico trusts him. And out of all the honors he’s won and all the titles he’s been given, Nico’s trust is probably one of the things he treasures the most.

 

 

 

 

(349)

 

 

Nico isn’t sure exactly when his birthday is. He just assumes that he’s a year older on New Years and leaves it at that. He’s never been one for birthday parties either- mainly because he had no one to celebrate it with, and no real impulse to anyways.

So when he walks into the dining pavilion with his sights set on a nice big dinner of spaghetti or fettuccini or something equally stereotypically Italian, and is instead greeted with confetti blown in his face and streamers hanging far too low and an onslaught of ‘Happy Birthday, Nico!’s, he is _very_ surprised.

Surprised and confused and thoroughly embarrassed as he’s weighed down with Hazel’s arms around his neck and Percy’s over-enthusiastic clap on the back and even Reyna is there.

“It’s not even my birthday,” is all he manages to say, and his cheeks are definitely _not_ bright red.

“It could be,” Jason counters, shuffling him over to the table set up in the middle of the room. There’s a ridiculously large cake sitting on top of it, marked here and there with messages written in sloppy icing (he recognizes Hazel’s handwriting and Percy’s illegible scrawls and Jason’s neat words and many others spread across it), and stuck with fifteen colorful candles.

“We would’ve gotten you like, eighty, but there wasn’t enough room,” and he can’t bring himself to be even the slightest bit annoyed at Percy’s comment.

(He hasn’t blown out birthday candles in years, and paired with the cheesy song and laughing, the feeling is almost nostalgic, and this is no doubt the best probably-not-his-actual-birthday he’s ever had).

Jason ends up smearing some of the icing from his slice onto Nico’s nose, and gets a face-full of cake in response.

He just laughs though, pulling Nico into a (tight, suffocating, his ribs might break and the celebration will be ruined) hug.

“Happy Birthday, Nico,”

And Nico smiles.

“Thanks, Jason,”

 

 

 

 

(365)

 

 

Nico’s hair is very soft. It sticks out at odd angles no matter how much he tries to comb it down, and fans out around him when he sleeps.

Nico’s breath is very soft, coming in light inhales and exhales while he sleeps.

Nico’s bed is very soft. The dark sheets are lighter and silkier than the ones in Jason’s cabin, and he finds that kind of unfair (though he does get to use them once in a while, so he can’t really complain).

Nico himself is very soft against his chest. His head is buried in blanket near the side of Jason’s, his soft hair tickling Jason’s neck.

Jason lives for mornings like these, where there are no deadlines to worry about and Nico is sleepy enough to sprawl out across him like he’s his own personal life-sized pillow.

And he lives for the moments when Nico blinks awake and gazes up at him through a curtain of soft hair, and smiles- almost _shyly_ \- and it’s the cutest thing Jason’s ever seen.

He shifts his head, placing a soft kiss on Nico’s soft forehead. 

And he decides to stop counting the days, because Nico’s kept his promise, and he knows that this time they’ll make it last together.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to expand on the details of life after the war, and I needed practice on dialogue too (I still can't write good dialogue pass it on). I realized half-way through that I kept accidentally switching povs, so I just went with it.
> 
> (credit to ilyone on tumblr, I used one of her lovely comics as a reference for a little part in the middle)


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